Unfamiliar Ground

Mysterious Darkness

March 13, 2008

The dark threatening clouds

Rolling over and through my head

Bringing a sense of excitement

Sparking interest in the shadows

Holding desire

Just because it is a mystery

The wonder is half of the allure

Not knowing making it attractive

Unfamiliar Ground

May 22, 2014

Thriving on familiar ground

Yet I tear away

To my whims I am bound

Later I will pay

In this depth will I drown?

Remaining where I lay?

Where I am I won't be found

If I determine to stay

Should I move, favoring the sound?

Perhaps one more day

Why I Can

Lowest To Highest

March 12, 2008

The stress of it all is wearing me down

Crushing every inch of hope

Making me sick with despair

Time to see where my work has got me

I have succeeded above all else

All the empty darkness is filled

With brightly shining accomplishment

The difference before and after

The low to the high

Is worth not being in the middle

Why I Can

May 21, 2014

I can do this because I've practiced

Practiced until it was made a habit

Habit that successfully hid me from myself

Myself has become so many

Many forms for different moments

Moments made for others, always

Always a different voice, different face

Face that belongs to me

Me hidden behind them

Them that double as I

Shining Star

Changing The World

March 11, 2008

When I was younger

The teachers taught

That one day we could change the world

With our imaginations

As children

We made the world ours

But as the years go by

And the lessons are learned

The more our minds are confined

To how the world will be forever

Shining Star

May 12, 2014

The star I watch is much too glorious

To approach and feel, I will get burned

Enchanted, unnoticed, I move closer

The intensity so powerful it almost hurts

But it does not, not yet

Hearing my name, calling me back

I can, but I don't return

Weakness as strong as two magnets

Each blink draws me forward

Burning flame, please go out

Before life ends in your heart

Whipping Winds

Freedom

March 10, 2008

They go paving the way for the rest

Supported and excited

The excitement wavers

Till the hope and joy fades

Leaving me to push

To make my way for freedom

No longer for excitement and pride

But for the betterment of the world

And hopefully for myself

Whipping Winds

March 30, 2014

The wind whips through my heart

As I feel the warmth abandon me

The anticipation for tomorrow torn apart

As I stare at the bare tree

It weighs me down, with heavy eyes

Shaking cold I lie in bed

Dreaming of warmer skies

For too long I've looked ahead

How to climb with no sight

I wish for warms arms to carry me

All alone I must hold myself tight

Till from this ice I am free

In My Mind

You Would Think

March 9, 2008

You would think

That if you tried harder you would succeed

You would think

If you thought about it longer you would remember

The logic of the world

Is unlike gravity

Pulling right where we know it will go

Instead it takes unusual turns

Throwing us off balance

Making our minds wonder, "You would think..."

In My Mind

March 12, 2014

You've found an unbarred door

One coated in dust

In my mind you wander

Leaving things in disarray

Feeling you behind my eyes

I shudder, feeling defenseless

I cannot recognize what is mine

Mistakenly using your tools

Tearing apart the patches

I've reinforced too many times

Painful work now in shambles

Starting over seems unfair

Myself

Who And When

February 26, 2008

At this time with these people

I am this

Now with you

I am her

All alone then

I am that

At what time and what place

Am I me?

Myself

February 27, 2014

My day for You feels taken

My love for this time is lost

My heart can sense no comfort

My strength cannot be renewed

My mind will just keep racing

My attitude growing dark

My time seems like it's wasted

My perspective needs to change

One Year

Happy 1st birthday to my little guy, Alex :D

One Year

February 23, 2014

I heard you cry,

Prompting tears to my eyes.

Holding you close,

It felt like a dream.

Peaceful hours I just watched,

As you became yourself.

The first crawl we all cheered,

Now keeping up is a feat.

Charming smile from eyes to mouth,

Makes the somber elated.

One year, so many moments,

Are gone in an instant.

The greatest gift, my life is whole,

From that night one year ago.

Your World, My Dream

Leave On Your Own

February 25, 2008

I want relief from this

Just to be happy without it

The overpowering thought

Moving around but not out

I can ask you to leave

But you won't 

I cannot get you out on my own

Your World, My Dream

February 15, 2014

The part of your world I have lived in my dreams,

Gives me a sliver of hope as I see opportunity,

Keeping quiet as to not get eager,

Chances slim, I stay reserved.

The light radiant as I remain in the dark,

Heart racing as the fantasy unfolds.

Sleepless nights, the light too brilliant,

To obtain it I must break chains.

Chains that should not be damaged,

Still intact, for now it's a dream.

Our Valentines Day

Our Valentines Day

February 6, 2014

Wooden figurines take me back in time.

I assumed our devotion was in its prime.

I could not fathom that it could flourish

Beyond what I could envision, or wish.

Day of tenderness, of yearning.

To our first kiss I am returning.

Our new, brilliant world started that day.

I don't find it the least bit cliché.

Though the flower, you presume, does not compare

To our shared feelings you wish to declare.

The smooth silk pedals speak.

Countless flowers, this one is unique.

I celebrate this road that we did start

That Valentines Day you stole my heart.

Mountain of Bills

Dark Gravity

February 24, 2008

Feels like gravity is getting stronger

Pulling me down

It feels impossible to stand all the way up

I can feel the bags under my eyes

Warning me that change is here

I have to be strong to push against it

But all I feel is weakness growing

I don't want to be pushed all the way down

But I feel like it's no longer my choice

Mountain of Bills

January 28, 2014

The cost

     Excruciatingly high

Light headed

     Unusually dizzy

Lack of

     No oxygen

Don't fall

     Disturbingly steep

Life line

     Student loans!

OH I WISH!

Understanding the Understood

Giving Up The Impossible

February 23, 2008

Giving up on something impossible

What a nice feeling

Relief setting me free to explore

Maybe I will find something possible

But for now I will just live

Give up the chase

It is exhilarating and agonizing

Right now I will gladly feel nothing

Understanding the Understood

January 23, 2014

I don't understand

Words unsaid are banned

Everything we've planned

Is like trying to swim through sand

Hours can feel so bland

The dying fire is never fanned

Wanting to run but doing nothing but stand

The unreachable always seems so grand

We need to rise up and demand

Ourselves to expand

So I can understand

Words erupting cannot be banned

Take what I've planned

Remain tall on that sand

So the hours don't feel bland 

Use all my strength to get that fire fanned

Sprint instead of stand

Live in my reality that I can make grand

Because I did demand

Myself to expand

Tied

Endless Coveting

February 21, 2008

Wanting something you cannot have

Shouldn't be something that you want

Hopes rushing every morning

Just to go down with the sun

The agony should chase away the desire

But I catch myself chasing

What turns out to be agony

Goodbye tonight

Maybe I will have you tomorrow

Tied

January 13, 2014

Witnessing the struggle in your eyes

Inner demons urging me to pause

Hands stay fixed by my sides

Seeing you dragged further into its jaws

Noticing as our bond gradually divides

I'm in anguish, but I know not the cause

That I cannot react and be able to provide

Conflicting pushes from two contrasting moral laws

Finding lies to comfort you and to help me hide

Deception, the act, I deserve an applause

This performance I feel no pride

My terrible gift I use to mask my flaws

Pain from past years I beg to subside

So I can run to your aid as I formerly was

Help me slowly become untied

Night to Day

Narrow View

February 18, 2008

Yesterday my eyes only saw the North

So I started walking on that course

But today I can only see South East

I know that only that direction I will find peace

But wait, I am catching glimpses of West

I can't tell, which direction is best?

I need to see all around me today

So I can decide which path I should stay

Night to Day

January 14, 2014

Darkness turning to light

Forces my eyes open

Illness courses through me

Pretending it's not so

The light in the darkness

Open reluctant eyes

Me fighting the illness

No change from pretending

     Move slowly through this house

     Shadows becoming sane

     Noise becoming the norm

     Dreams to reality

     House slowly waking up

     Sane, no hint of shadows

     Normal sounds and noises

     Reality to dreams

          Smiling face looking up

          Sets my stomach at ease

          There's no hint of the pain

          I can accept the day

          Looking up to smiles

          Ease my upset stomach

          My pain has stopped hinting

          The day I can accept

The Resolution of a New Year

Yours, Mine, Yours

February 17, 2008

We are all people with our own lives

Striving to be that person with their life

Holding onto their future

Ending on the other side of the world

But I want your life and future

Someone wants mine

Circling the globe in endless searching

The Resolution of a New Year

January 3, 2014

Can I grasp it in my hands

Manipulate, twist to my aspirations

If not I must withdraw

Turn my head and forget

The raging ache pounds on the door

Demanding that I acknowledge its effect

But I mad a resolution

To turn my head and forget

Time rushing by much too quick

All of my balls fly through the air

I must allow the black to fall

And turn my head and forget

Lifting You Makes Me Strong

Reading Their Eyes

February 15, 2008

The look in their eyes 

As the entertainment explodes

All eyes starring in awe

Captivated by the moment

All I see is their eyes

The yearning for success

I close my eyes

All I see is failure

Lifting You Makes Me Strong

December 27, 2013

So much pressure obligated me to stay in place

One in too many options could elevate me

Giving up shined brighter

Hand curled in and away from the impossible decision

Hiding felt so good

But

Today I stumbled across you

I will not neglect you again

No one can accomplish this for me

I will become capable of lifting this weight

Removing it from my shoulders

Distant from ears and mind

I can be self-sufficient

I can be strong